My Personal Panacea Path

Creativity has been the foundation of my life. I am an artist of many mediums. I am a

self-taught painter, dancer of many forms, performer, poet, writer, and playwright. I have

designed and built costumes, sets, and installations in immersive worlds. I have always found

that theater and performance were the forms that could combine all my interests, a platform that

could contain my widespread talents. Creation has not only been the great joy of my life, but it

has also been an integral necessity for my healing journey. My creative impulse has allowed me

to ground and center myself in my healing journey with complex trauma, sexual assault, and

domestic violence.

stand out

I was born into a cult in the remote Sierra Foothills of Northern California. Founded on

the principles of Gurdjieff, Ouspensky, mystic Sufism, and the Fourth Way, the community

cultivated awareness, attention, and presence through classical arts and culture. I started

performing in Greek and Shakespeare plays as early as ten years old. I studied ballet for ten years

and other forms of dance, including waltz, tango, salsa, cha cha, swing, and belly dance. I

studied cello, the great classical composers, and Greek and Roman mythology. When I was

thirteen, I began teaching the younger generations, directing them in fairy tales and Shakespeare

plays while I continued performing. By age 16, I was doing 6-8 full-length productions a year.

Despite the privileges of a classical education, my community’s belief system profoundly

impacted my emotional development. This community believed that all “negative” emotions

were meant to be transformed into a state of presence and awareness. A beautiful sentiment that

often manifested as dissociation and emotional abandonment. The suppression of “negative”

emotions led to chronic eczema, a physical manifestation of my inner turmoil. The leader is a

sexual predator who is currently on trial for his crimes. The community justification of his

violence created a culture in which sexual abuse was normalized and rampant. I sacrificed

myself and created a persona. I made myself beautiful. I spoke beautiful words and expressed

beautiful, emotional sentiments, which won me praise and the appearance of acceptance and

belonging. I did not say “no.” I did not express anger or dissent. Acting became my only refuge,

the only way to express the parts of myself pushed into the shadows. From the beginning, acting

was integral to my spiritual practice, a space where I could feel free, authentic, and embodied.

Despite lacking fiscal or familial support for seeking a college degree, I attended CSU,

Chico, and played the lead in Alice in Wonderland in my first semester. This experience inspired

me to expand my horizons further. I felt hungry for an environment that would challenge me, and

I was determined to expand my personal, creative, and professional horizons—beyond the

college environment.

At age twenty-one, I packed my 1987 BMW and embarked on a cross-country journey to

NYC, a city symbolizing endless opportunities and growth. I enrolled in the William Esper

Acting Studio, and began professional training. I studied the Linklater Vocal Technique, the

Laban and Williamson Movement Technique, and the Meisner Acting Method. Even at this stage

of my development, I hungered for a different kind of theater that challenged American realism

and Broadway conventions. The work of Peter Brook and Jerzy Grotowski moved me. I wanted

to create work that would resonate with audiences on a deeper level, create catharsis, and rupture

the status quo. I knew theater had the power to heal and transform, and I longed to offer deeply

impactful experiences to my audiences.

I remember the first day of movement class. We were instructed to lie on the floor and do

nothing for ten minutes, but practice awareness and acceptance. I was long familiar with honing

attention, but fully accepting myself was foreign. I had been taught that I needed to change,

evolve, and transform my negativity into a state of presence. The idea that I could allow myself

to feel whatever arose without judgment was revolutionary, and I knew on the first day that class

would change my life. I began to undo years of harmful conditioning and recover the missing

parts of myself.

In my time at the William Esper Acting Studio, I had the immense privilege of working

with Nancy Mayans, who introduced me to energy work, the work of Barbra Brennan, and the

Chakra system. I became fascinated with the connections of the physical and emotional body and

started a journey of self-healing. I took workshops with the Barbara Brenan School of Healing

and studied the Lucid Body with Fay Simpson as I diligently educated myself in the workings of

the energetic body.

After graduating from the Esper Acting Studio, I entered the workforce as an actor but

found myself uninspired by the projects I would audition for. Everything felt like a part of an

industry, and I wanted to create mystical and transformative theater. I couldn’t find the kind of

work I wanted to do, so I started initiating projects and creating the type of work I wanted to see.

I began working with the Box Collective in 2010 as a founding member.

The Box is an international artistic collective dedicated to exploring and showcasing new

and emerging theatre work that blurs the line between art and performance. We focus on creating

new poetic, dramatic, visceral, elemental, challenging, and exploratory work. By breaking down

the barrier between performer and audience, we create immersive performance experiences and

living art. Our collective challenges the traditional theatre scene and engages its audience

through an authentic experience, evoking visceral reactions beyond passive entertainment. Over

the next ten years, I worked as an actor, producer, writer, and director, creating new work in

Manhattan, Brooklyn, East Hampton, Germany, Italy, and the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

I moved to Berlin in 2012 after receiving a job offer as a Movement Teacher at The

Actors Space. I found a creative and artistic community excited and inspired by the

projects I initiated. I also worked as an actress with like-minded professionals, performing deep,

meaningful, and resonant work. I had the immense privilege of performing in “Stripped” by

Stephen Clark- a harrowing two-person play that follows the pains and vulnerability of a couple

falling in love and apart.

I returned to New York City and toured with the Adirondack Shakespeare Company from

2014-2016, returning to my roots in classical work and performing lead roles in full-length

Shakespeare plays for the communities of the Adirondacks. I also returned to the William Esper

Acting studio to apprentice under my Movement Teacher, Theo Morin, for two years, learning

how to offer others the education and work that had been revolutionary for me. I

learned how to teach the Williamson Movement Technique and the Foundations of Laban theory

to give my students a fuller understanding of the space within and without themselves as they

cultivate emotional and physical permissiveness, expressiveness, openness, and vulnerability.

The work aims to create a body free of tension, judgment, and repression.

In the following years, my focus gradually shifted from performing, directing, and

producing to fine-tuning my teaching skills and developing my own method for emotional

embodiment. I decided to extend my experience in performance and transformative creative

experiences to the next generation of artists. Through studying the Five Elements and Meridian

Theory of Traditional Chinese Medicine and the Chakra system of the Vedic tradition, I created

“The Holistic Method,” which I teach today at the Maggie Flanigan Studio, where I have worked

for the past eight years.

In all its facets, creative expression has been a core part of my life and healing. Through

teaching, I have the honor of offering what I have learned on my healing journey to those

seeking expansion in their personal, professional, and creative lives. There are infinite ways to be

an artist, and I strive to connect my students and clients with their authenticity and ignite their

unique spark so they can carve a life path that honors the fullness of who they are.